the goldfinger pun treasury <> a proud form one lane tradition

The Goldfinger Pun Treasury

Choose your next witticism carefully, Mr Bond; it may be your last! Auric Goldfinger certainly had a way with words, and he wasn't shy about showing it off — even in circumstances more friendly, and certainly less life-threatening, than in that famous encounter in Switzerland. Sadly, not every conversation between these two giants of the film world was published on-screen. That's where the Treasury comes in, helpfully filling in some of the gaps, for your edification and enjoyment.

I am indepted to incessant Twitterer biorhythmist for (as far as I can tell) coming up with this unholy idea, and for providing the first and best pun in the list. (That's a polite way of saying I ripped him off something shocking.) Some mates and I came up with many of the rest over alcohol and 8-ball pool; a heady mix which, it must be said in our defence, has been known to impair many strong a strong man's judgment. It could be worse.

If you've a sick mind and would like to contribute to this list, please email me your ideas at mark@formonelane.net. The Treasury was last updated on Monday, 8 June, 2009.

Do you expect me to poach these eggs?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to fry!
Do you expect me to do the washing-up?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to dry!
Do you expect me to tell you every detail?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to elide!
Do you expect me to discard all these documents?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to file!
Do you expect me to drive all the way to Lyon?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to fly!
Do you expect me to just stand on this dance floor doing nothing?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to jive!
Do you expect me to tell the truth?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to lie!
Do you expect me to sing karaoke with you?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to mime!
Do you expect me to find opals just by examining the surface?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to mine!
Do you expect me to mind my own business?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to pry!
Do you expect me to bottle up my annoyance?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to sigh!
Do you expect me to win this game?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to tie!
Do you expect me to just give it my best shot, Master Yoda?
Do or do not, Mr Bond; there is no try!
Do you expect me to laugh at these jokes?
No, Mr Bond; I expect you to cry!